"The Risk" Poem: Create Aliveness / Depth in Intimate Relationships

The Extra-Ordinary Risk builds cascading depths
Into the heart, the dynamic structure of an intimate relationship.

The structural components of risk are the milieu of the Ordinary;
Ordinary events, ordinary words, ordinary gestures.

The “Extra” is subtle and delicate.
It plays the same hand, it just raises the stakes.
It is going back for a second hug, because you need it.
It is holding a glance a few seconds past comfort.
It is noticing fear inside, and staying with it, breathing with it.
Until it subsides. Or is held together.

Honesty is ordinary. Extra is risky.
It is the courage to share your unapologetic pride.
To share your gnawing wounds when the scab is torn.
Your unfounded fears about what is terrible in your life.
Your unlikely dreams for what is possible in the world;
Without the guarantee of validation.
Without the security of acceptance.
Without the signed and legally certified promise of Love.

Risk is sometimes sharing what will predictably cause upset.
It is saying “no” when they want you to say “yes”.;
Because authenticity demands it so.
It is saying “yes” when you really want to say no;
Because it stretches your heart.

An extraordinary risk is as mundane as doing the opposite
of what you believe you need to do.
Wanting to run, and sitting down instead.
Wanting to scream, and crying instead.
Wanting to talk, and waiting instead.
Wanting to sit down, cry and wait;
But running, leaping and dancing instead.

Risk is stepping without a place for your foot to land.
It is honoring the unknown in each other more than the known.
It is losing control of the relationship,
To make space for unfathomable healing.
It is a serrated divorce from your expectations
To make space for what is inconceivable.

Risk is being seen. In all the ways
Each of us is terrified to be seen.
While simultaneously
Dying to be seen.

- by Stuart Watson, Couples and Family Mediator